


Share Our Beds Like Little Kids

by fullgallantry



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Coming of Age, Farmer!Alex, Gay Awakening, M/M, set in the 1980's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:08:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27039232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullgallantry/pseuds/fullgallantry
Summary: At the end of Summer 1989, Alex and his bandmates / best friends plan to end their senior year in high school with a bang. When his dad suffers an accident, they're forced to hire more help on the family farm. Enter Willie, another boy at Alex's school. The two grow closer through the winter, but when Willie is forced to choose between staying in town or leaving with his family, Alex is unprepared for the fallout.
Relationships: Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 181





	1. Vacation Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start.

Lubbock, Texas is not the kind of town that you settle in. It's the kind of town you drive through as you try and get somewhere else. With three to four gas stations of note and a Wal-Mart that recently opened, it is nothing if not the epitome of suburban decay. Living on the outskirts of town is basically a death sentence if you want to do anything besides marry your high school sweetheart, have three to four kids, and die in the exact same spot you were born in.   
  
That is not the future Sunset Curve has in mind. Band members Luke, who sings, Reggie, who plays bass, Trevor, who plays guitar, and Alex, who plays drums.  
  
Well, actually, Alex _coincidentally_ plays drums. His first and foremost duty is to his family and their farm. They don't do a lot of the crop growing anymore, too much competition with other farmers in the area. When the yield came back too low in 1984, Alex's dad decided it might be smarter for them to start doing livestock. They never have more than a few horses, cows, chickens, goats, and pigs at a time, but the payout can be huge for the right sow around competition time. Alex only learned he could actually keep a beat because his favorite cow, Marlene, will only come to him for food and medicine if he's stomping the ground to some of the Top 40 hits on the radio.  
  
The four of them, this band, have actually been friends since they were kids. Reggie and Luke met in pre-school, Alex in kindergarten, and finally, Trevor in first grade. Slowly but surely, the gravitational pull of the town that consumes every future it comes across brings them together. They joke pretty often about how the void bringing them together would be its downfall. What's more dangerous than a group of kids with nothing to lose? It's basically the start of any good science fiction story.   
  
The first day of school comes like a ton of bricks for the four of them. Continuing a long legacy of spending the night at Reggie's house to get ready and go to school together, Alex finds it incredibly hard to wake up when the alarm goes off. It bleats in his ear, the actual mechanism only a few inches from his head.  
  
"Shut it off!" Luke yells, throwing a pillow at it. Reggie rolls over and does exactly as he's told, slamming his palm into the clock to silence it. His mother has already started down the hallway, however. Sleep is to evade them just that much longer.   
  
"Oh, boys!" She sings. "Ya can't be late for your first day of Senior Year!" Mrs Hart is not a quiet woman, nor is she one to allow the passage of time to happen at its own pace. When Reggie was five years old, she had his entire birthday party planned out to the letter. When Reggie ended up wetting himself from a very brief but very traumatic encounter with a clown, she ended up cancelling the whole party and sending the guests home without cake because she couldn't get it back on track.   
  
Reggie lifts himself from the bed reluctantly. "Mom!" He whines, eyes still closed.  
  
Mrs. Hart is already moving across the room, stepping over Alex and Trevor to throw the curtains open. "I won't hear a word of it mister! Your father has already finished in the bathroom for work. You've got until the smell dies down to get up and get your stuff together." Luke makes a face that Mrs. Hart can feel despite him being on the other side of the bed and basically invisible. "Don't make faces, Luke, it'll get stuck that way!" She laughs as she makes her way out of the room, the sunlight now directly assaulting the boys. Luke looks up to Reggie on the bed and mouths 'how', which earns him an 'I don't know' in response. Mom powers are obviously very complicated.   
  
Trevor is the first to rise and brave the very unfortunate smell of Mr. Hart's morning bathroom excursion. The boys aren't really sure what they mean when people say that coffee 'goes right through them', but Trevor decides mid-stride that he'd rather die than take on whatever demon is rolling around inside Mr. Hard. Luke comes in after him and has an easier time. Reggie hardly even notices it when it's his turn. Alex, bringing up the rear, returns from the bathroom with toothbrush in hand to his friends slowly but sure getting dressed.   
  
It's hear that it should be noted that Alex has been experiencing some.... Feelings.   
  
Last year while at a family vacation to the Grand Canyon, Alex and his father went to a midnight showing of Die Hard as a sort of bonding. There are a million other reasons that Alex should have liked the movie, however, none of these even compared to his guttural and misunderstood affection for Bruce Willis. Now, of course, he'd lie and say that it was the explosions that kept him enamored throughout the film, but really, he had to use the popcorn to hide a growing problem in his pants at the sight of the rather chiseled man in his tight shirt, let alone shirtless. When his family returned to their home at the end of the week, Alex biked to the library the second he got the opportunity to figure out what in the world he could be experiencing. It's at this time that Alex learns the term GAY.   
  
Stepping into Reggie's small room, Alex is greeted nearly immediately with the sight of Luke half naked, pulling up his pants; Reggie shirtless, and Trevor in his boxers, looking through a backpack for his pants. Now, if asked, Alex would never in a million years admit that he thinks his friends are attractive. However, does that prevent him from thinking it? Absolutely not. He's quick to look down at the brown/gray carpet and make a beeline for his stuff. This is not the first time he's been in a situation like this with his friends, and it certainly won't be the last. At least, he hopes not. Not because he wants to see them all nearly naked, or even because he gets some kind of weird enjoyment out of being forced to hide that he's looking when he's really not trying to look.  
  
One of the first books Alex had come across during his extensive research into the word GAY and what it might mean, he couldn't ignore the amount of unfavorable opinions that pervade throughout. There was not a book or a film or a newspaper clipping that had anything good to say about the word GAY or the people who associated with it. Every single entry was either neutral or negative. No in between.   
  
Alex knows his friends. Alex loves his friends. Alex knows that he'd like to spend the rest of his life with his friends. Alex is also not stupid. Sometimes, the blond wishes he could forget about Die Hard and stupid Bruce Willis and his tight t-shirt and perfectly formed pecs. Sometimes, he wishes he hadn't biked the thirty minutes to the local library and picked up the first book he found that might give him an explanation. Sometimes, he wishes he could meet a nice girl at school, like Mindy or Cindy or Brook or Blanca; Someone that might make him feel the same way he feels when he sees Luke's chest, or Reggie's slender neck, or Trevor's strong shoulders. Sometimes, Alex wishes he could violently claw these feelings out of himself.  
  
"Alex!" Trevor calls for the fifth time. Alex turns his attention to him, snapping out of his trance.   
  
"What?" Alex responds. "Sorry, I was somewhere else. What's up?" Alex only now notices that Trevor is, in fact, still shirtless.   
  
"I said, can I borrow a shirt? I can't find the one I packed for today." Trevor only looks a little annoyed, so Alex reaches down into his bag and hands him a shirt without making it worse.   
  
Smirking, Alex pretends to throw it at him. "Try not to get anything on this one, alright? My mom has seen you eat, and let me tell you, she's not impressed." Reggie and Luke laugh, but Trevor doesn't even pop a smirk. He crosses the room swiftly and snatches the shirt out of Alex's hands before he can protest.   
  
Fully clothed, fed, and traveling by bike down the long road toward Lubbock High School, the boys pass Texas Tech, the college they'll probably all attend when the time comes. It's not big by any means, but it's growing in popularity with every day. The construction crews that work the area sometimes walk passed the school on their way to the few restaurants downtown. Alex tries not to focus on them too much.   
  
Arriving at the school just as the first bell rings, the trio of Alex, Reggie, and Luke take their seats for first period. Trevor, despite multiple requests, is banished to Ms. Hargin's first period because he performed just a little too well in Maths, and now gets to have Math very, very early in the morning. He thought, at one point, he'd like to be an engineer. Doing math at 8 AM, he's sure will change that.   
  
As the swell of talking and joking and camaraderie comes to a close and the morning announcements have come and gone, Mr. Darrell takes his place at the front of the room. "Welcome, welcome. I'm sure you're all very excited to see each other after the summer, but I want to remind everyone that you are still in a classroom, and we will be working on our first assignment today. Rumors that there wouldn't be any work today have been greatly exaggerated." He laughs at his own joke. "Today, you all are going to come up to the front one by one and either tell us about your summer, or introduce yourselves to the class. I see a few new faces here. Use this as an opportunity to make new friends if you don't have any, or reacquaint yourselves with old ones." Looking down at a slip of paper, Mr. Darrell lifts his attention to find the first person on his list. "Alex Davis. You're first."  
  
Reggie and Luke immediately lose their minds, slapping their desks with their hands to simulate cheering or drum rolling or something. "Uh, hey. I'm Alex. I know a lot of you guys and a lot of you guys know me already. My- Uh... My family owns the farm at the end of Burbank Road. Most of you guys get your fertilizer from us, probably. I spent the summer with my friends. We watched a bunch of movies and hung out pretty much everyday."  
  
"Yeah, we did!" Luke shouts. Alex smiles, turning his face to hide his blush.   
  
"Anyway, uh- I hope you guys had a good summer and... Let's have a good last year of high school." A few people clap, so it's not as pathetic as it could be. Luke and Reggie receive him more warmly, patting him on the shoulder and giving him a good amount of hype.   
  
"Very good, Alex. Next up is... William Whincott."  
  
A name alex doesn't recognize is not only unprecedented, it's unheard of. Most of the people in the room have known each other since elementary school. All three boys look at each other in confusion. Standing up from the back for the classroom, a rather tan boy with the longest hair of any person Alex has ever seen makes his way to the from. He's quick to tie the hair back in a pony-tail, a wide smile on his face as he stands proudly at the front. "Hey, you guys can call me Willie. I definitely don't own a farm or a lucrative fertilizer business." The class laughs. Alex has never wanted to disappear more in his life. "My dad just got transferred to the Reese Air Force Base here, so I'm finishing high school with you guys. Thanks for having me, let's have a great year or whatever." He's effortlessly cool, carefree, charming. Alex feels his heart sink into his stomach and then out his ass.   
  
_**Fuck**_.


	2. Blinding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An accident at the Davis Farm.

By lunch, Alex has mentioned Willie a total of seventy two times. More, actually, as Reggie only started counting after the thirteenth or fourteenth time, actually. "And who does he think he is. My family doesn't have a farm or a lucrative business. What an asshole. I should egg his house. I'm going to egg his house. Do you guys wanna eg-"  
  
"Alex," Luke snaps, finally, reaching over the table to put his hand over Alex's mouth. "What is your damage with Willie? You're seriously obsessing."  
  
"I am not obsessing," Alex spits out. The vitriol that bubbles at the bottom of his stomach is venomous, it hurts to think about for too long and it turns the poor boys stomach like he's just watched someone get split open in a medieval torture. Except, the only person being tortured is him. "I'm just saying, you don't come to a new school and start stuff with the people who have been there and friendly with each other fore-"  
  
Alex doesn't notice that Reggie is waving his arm until the person he's calling to starts walking toward them. "You've got a problem, so let's fix it." He whispers under his breath as Willie approaches. "Hey, man."  
  
Up close, Alex examines Willie closer, dead centered on finding a flaw. A scratch, a blemish, anything that will make it easier to put him out of his mind. "Hey, dude," Willie smirks, reaching out to give Reggie's hand a shake. Luke reaches out next, then Trevor, and when Willie's hand finally makes it to Alex's, the bell to return to class rings.   
  
"You're like, totally welcome to sit with us whenever, man." Reggie offers, his cool tones and slight lisp disarming if not overwhelmingly adorable. "We know what it's like to be the odd one out, moving to a small town and all. That was... Back in elementary, so probably not the same circumstances..."  
  
"What he means is," Luke cuts in. "If you wanna hang, you can hang with us."  
  
Willie smiles, tucking a few loose hairs behind his ear. "Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. I'm trying to get in good with the skateboard punks right now, but I will certainly let you guys know if my very busy schedule opens up." This gets a laugh from everyone except Alex, who still seethes.  
  
"See?! See what I'm saying? He's full of himself, I hate it." Alex breaks, starting the long trek back to the main building of the school from the cafeteria.   
  
"Dude, it was a joke," Trevor rolls his eyes and Alex can hear it in his tone of voice, even without making rolling eye contact. "Luke is right, you're obsessing. Just chill, no one here likes him more than you."  
  
"He's right," Luke pats his friend on the back. "You're our Alex and you'll always be our Alex. You're like a golden retriever, we'll always take care of you."  
  
The other boys continue walking while Alex stands still, watching them move forward. "I am not like a golden retriever!"   
  
Alex only mentions Willie twenty three more times during sixth period, when he sees the groups other, less prolific friends Julie and Flynn in the grade below them during gym class. They give each other a look he doesn't recognize, but he's too busy being angry to notice.   
  
Can he admit that his small obsession comes from the fact that he's overwhelmingly attracted to Willie? Absolutely. Not out loud, of course, but internally, sure. He's not so bereft to think that there's any other reason. He can't get Willie's perfect skin, amazing hair, and charming smile out of his head, and the only way he can talk about it with his friends is in angry, tepid words and emotions. Part of him wishes he could tell Reggie that Willie even acknowledging him makes his heart feel weird and his head hurt, in a good way. He's never understood what the others were talking when they talked about their crushes on girls in their grade. Angela Stewart, Nancy Joyner, Erica Reyes. Even Trevor's attraction to his girlfriend made absolutely no sense until Alex saw Willie. It's like a light switch coming on, except the light is a faucet and now he's drowning in his thoughts.   
  
He's so preoccupied with his thoughts that he doesn't notice that there are paramedics at his house until he's halfway up their driveway.   
  
The hospital is not a hospitable place at all. It's cold all the time, the food is gross, and Alex is pretty sure the tiles all have the same pattern so that if you leave your room without permission, you get lost forever. His mother hasn't stopped crying since he arrived home and he's pretty sure the animals haven't been fed. He doesn't want to think about his dad, what's going to happen to him. What might be going on behind the large door that separates him from the rest of reality. There's a strength in pretending not to know, isn't there? There's a certain power in separating yourself from reality, in pretending that what's true just  
  
_isn't.  
_  
When the doctor finally comes out of the room after a good three hours of waiting, he's got a smile on his face that's meant to disarm, but it only makes Alex feel more uneasy. "Your husband will make a full recovery," he tells Alex's mom. "He had a small stroke on the left side of his brain. He'll need a bit of rehab to walk and talk normally again, but there's no major damage. I expect him up and back to his old self within the year."  
  
Alex is relieved, at first, because duh; his dad is alright. Not alright alright but, alright enough to go home in a few days. The thing about keeping reality out of your way and separating yourself is that reality always finds a way in. There's no two ways about it. You can run from it, hide from it. Eventually, what's really going on arrives as a hospital bill or a punch in the face.   
  
The duo of Alex and his mom get home at two in the morning. The world is silent, animals sleeping, people sleeping. To be awake at this time is not weird to Alex, but he can tell it takes a toll on his mom. Looking at her, he's convinced she hasn't seen this time in a long, long while. "We've got to-" She starts.   
  
"I can do it," Alex responds, knowing her concerns. He makes a quick line for the back door, pulling off his sneakers and putting on the big boots his father wears to feed the animals. They like to slop around and get the ground wet, and his mother hates mud in the house.   
  
They animals are fed by an automatic system that releases on a timer. The timer, however, is made of plastic and probably some other metals. The reason Alex knows that they're not up to the test of time is because he's personally bashed on to bits on accident after opening a gate directly into one of these devices, costing his father a swift $39.99 plus shipping and handling from the local feed store. That's the thing about his dad. He's never been angry with Alex, never been crass or cruel. He's warm, the way Alex assumes everyone's dads are. Not on fire for his kid, definitely not, but he hugs Alex in a way that makes him feel safe. That makes him feel loved. In the field making sure the timers have all gone off, Alex cries for the first time since getting home. _There will be warm hugs again,_ he tells himself.   
  
He doesn't particularly remember getting back to the house or into his bed, but his alarm rings at 7 AM just like normal. His eyes refuse to open at first, but the light from his window prevents him from doing anything else but wishing he could either go back in time a few hours or just die. Really, it's not that dramatic.   
  
The rest of the first week of school goes by in a blur. Trevor and his girlfriend break up for the millionth time, Luke and Reggie practice every night because they've been neighbors since they were two years old. Alex's dad finally comes home from the hospital on Friday, so coming home in the afternoon has a particular tinge of happiness to it.   
  
Being prepared to see someone in a disabled state does not exactly prepare you for seeing someone in a disabled state. Alex's father, a healthy, happy man, being rolled into his house knocked out on medication and pale is not exactly the welcome home he hoped for, but now that he's home, Alex is determined to be happy. To bring warmth back to his father.   
  
"So, here's the plan," Alex's mom says over dinner. "Your father will continue going to therapy and rehab and with some luck, he'll be back to his old self in no time. I can handle the business, but you'll have to put your work into overdrive on the weekends to make sure we can maintain the animals." Alex knows there's more news coming. She's ordered pizza. She never orders pizza unless there's bad news. "With your father out, we can't do all of it ourselves. We'll need to hire someone else." There it is. The Davis family has one employee besides Alex's dad, his mom, and Alex. Edward Garcia, or just Ed if you meet him on a good day, is the hardest worker they have. He's basically Alex's second father, except Ed only really pays attention to Alex when he's doing something wrong, or taking up too much time. He's the dad Alex feels like he'd have if he were a worse person in a past life. Luckily, he was not. Hopefully? "I don't suppose any of your friends would like to volunteer?"  
  
The thing about Luke, Reggie, and Trevor when it comes to work is that they would simply rather not. Luke is so busy with his music that all his waking hours are spent doing just that. Trevor and Maria fight and get back together so often, they're basically on a rotating loop of hanging out on the weekend to break up Monday to get back together Thursday. Reggie, well, Reggie is a special case. One time he volunteered to help with the farm and let the herd of cows into the street and probably further up the road. He has not been allowed on the farm since.   
  
"No," Alex replies. "No, I can't think of anyone."  
  
"That's fine," Alex's mom says, smiling at him. "I'll put an ad in the paper, we'll see what we get." She stands, lifting her paper plate from the table and holding a hand out for Alex's. "You can help me interview, it'll be fun."  
  
The first handful of interviews go about as well as expected. They're men who have nothing better to do with a probable addiction to some substance or another. Men who would probably sooner steal from the grounds than help them keep it up. Alex's dad calls this group the Culling Group. They're the ones that you interview to prime the pump, give them good reviews so they go tell their friends about how awesome it was to interview for the farm. The second handful of interviews are more qualified. Ranch hands, animal specialists. These guys are almost overqualified. They expect a decent wage and benefits if they're going to be full-time. Alex's mom always opens with the fact that they will not be full-time. These interviews don't take long. The last set of interviews are who Alex's mom is looking for. These are teenagers, kids she can pay under the table and not hear a word about it from anyone who matters. They don't need consistent work to maintain themselves, just some extra spending cash. Among the people who appear for interviews is Willie.   
  
**_God damnit._**   
  
"William, is it?"  
  
"Willie is fine, ma'am." He smiles.   
  
"Good manners, definite plus." She writes something down on the notepad she insists on having. "Tell me, have you ever worked with animals before?"  
  
"To be perfectly honest with you, not really. I actually only heard about your farm a few days ago, from Alex." Willie points to Alex casually, like it doesn't even matter to him. Why doesn't it matter to him? "We're in the same class."  
  
"Is that so? Alex hasn't mentioned you before. When did you arrive to town?"  
  
"Just a few weeks ago. My dad is in the Air Force, so he got stationed at Reese a few miles down the road." It's actually a massive few, if Alex is counting right. There's no reason in hell that he should be anywhere near where they are, let alone asking to work for them.   
  
"Ah, so that's where the manners come from. Make sure to thank your dad for his service for us, will you?" Willie nods. Alex's mom circles his name on her notepad and sets it down, looking directly over the table at him. "Well, Willie, I'm willing to give you a shot. Alex will show you the ropes, if you can pick it up within the week, the position is yours. Completely under the table, this is really just a bit of spending cash while you're not in school."  
  
"Perfect. I'm saving up for a new board. The last one got broken and my dad was all, ' _ugh, this is the second one you've broken. if you want a new one you're gonna have to buy it yourself_.'" Willie lowers his voice to mock his father. Alex's mother giggles. Alex does not.  
  
"Sounds like you'll be a good fit. You'll start tomorrow morning, can you be here at 7 AM?"  
  
"Wouldn't miss it!"   
  
"We look forward to having you, Willie. Alex, walk him out, will you?"  
  
There are only about twenty steps from the kitchen to the front door, and Alex is deftly aware of every. single. one. Leading Willie out of his house is a surreal experience. He's conflicted with a sense of 'let's hang out while you're here' and 'please exit my home immediately'. Willie is already putting on his helmet, pulling his long black hair back to make sure it doesn't get in his face. For a second, Alex wonders if it smells nice. "Guess we'll be seeing a lot more of each other, Blondie." Willie smirks. He drops his board on the ground, broken trucks and all, and makes his way down the road very, very slowly.  
  
Alex stays at the door watching him until he's out of sight.   
  
  
  
  



	3. Better Off Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day.

Alex first learned about masturbation when he was fifteen in Mr. Finkle's Freshman Year Science Class on the week they learned about sexual education. It summed up to: Don't have sex until you're married or God himself will come down and tear your penis off. However, they also learned that the penis could be stimulated manually. All of the other boys knew what this meant but him, and it took him a full week to build up enough courage to ask Luke what it meant. Luke's rundown of the entire thing made Alex feel strange. Luke admitted to have been doing that thing for a while, since about twelve, but Alex never looked down at himself in the shower long enough to notice any changes, except when he started growing hair because it kind of itched or that his boxers started smelling strangely after he'd sweat in them during band practice.  
  
Regardless, Alex simply could not see the allure of pulling at himself until stuff came out, that is until he actually did it. In the shower at night, before bed, he soaped up his hand and went to work. He was no stranger to his own erection, of course, but finding a timing, a beat, a rhythm to the entire thing took a considerable amount of time longer than he'd intended. Still, thirty minutes in, Alex had the toe-curling, eyes popping, stomach wrenching feeling that keeps boys his age locked in their rooms when their parents are away. The first time it happens, he's pretty sure he'll die from how tired he is. It's not so much to write home about anymore.   
  
That is, until tonight. Watching Willie leave his house, Alex goes about his day tiptoeing around his mother's questions and checking on his dad, making sure he has everything he needs. He pretends that things are fine and that he's not even thinking about the new help they'll have on weekends, when in all actually, he's thinking about his nightly shower. The water is warm against his skin and he feels more than content to be there. Grabbing the soap bottle in his hand, he pours a generous amount into his palm before going to work. Back when he first started, he would think about the girls his friends would talk about. The actresses on tv who were dressed in a t-shirt just tight enough. The ones that got a shower scene where Trevor swears if you look at just the right angle, you can see a bit of their breast. There's no point in it now. At eighteen, Alex has made a rule for himself that in the shower, he is his own person.  
  
The first time he did the deed in the shower thinking about a man, he was sure his parents could smell it on him. He felt as though their eyes were watching him, even though there were on the other side of the house. He felt guilty, like jacking off to Bruce Willis was somehow worse than murder, worse than theft of an old woman's purse. They said nothing about it then. Not on the first night, not on the thirty second night. When he finally comes to terms with the fact that his parents cannot, in fact, read his mind, he really lets loose. He memorizes the underwear packaging at Sears and the mustached men on the cover of Vanity Fair. He allows himself to feel wrapped in another's strong, muscular arms when he's getting closer. Every once in a while when he's feeling fancy, he'll press his lips into the tile, the water giving just enough of an illusion of another warm body to convince him that he's kissing someone.   
  
On this particular night, Willie is the only thing on his mind. He's been avoiding this topic since their first meeting. Despite his estranged feelings, he had honestly and genuinely not allowed himself the luxury of joining Willie in the shower. He had pushed the man out of his mind in favor of others until he couldn't anymore. Staring directly at the white tile of the wall, Alex can see him in the smudges and the water liens. He can feel Willie's warm hands all over his body, every drop another set of fingers running up and down his skin. He leans forward, forward, approaching the wall to feel the faintest touch of Willie's lips when suddenly -   
  
_"Oh, fuck."  
  
_ Alex looks down at his hand, the thick liquid stringing between his fingers. As much as he'd like to pretend, to tell himself and his friends that Willie is only on his mind because he hates him so much, he can't deny the very real proof splattered against the tile wall.   
  
Laying down in his bed afterward, the ticking of the clock echoes throughout the room. The space feels smaller, somehow, like there's less room to breathe despite being the exact same size. He's not sure what to call this particular feeling. He only knows that it feels a lot like getting caught for doing something bad. Guilt. Shame? Something like it, at least. Part of him worries, constantly, that someone will find out. That someone will see through his callous words and angry glares and see that it's not contempt in his eyes but lust. Not sexual lust, either, but a lust for contact. A lust for intimacy in a way he knows two boys shouldn't share. rolling over in his bed, he presses a hand over his heart. Sometimes, he wishes he could rework the blood vessels and arteries inside him. He wishes he could make himself different. Make his brain and his heart different somehow, so he could be like the others. So he might become more like his friends. That's the thing about hiding a secret, though. Once it's buried, the ground starts to retake it, and when it's something as terrible and awful as this; well, it starts to poison everything around it.   
  
The alarm is the next thing Alex hears. He doesn't remember falling asleep, nor does he remember his dream. All he knows is that there's a wet patch at the front of his boxers that wasn't there when he went he got into bed the night before. Quickly hopping out of bed to change, he scans the fog covered area of his front yard for Willie, of which there is no sign. He scoffs, closing the front door gently to not wake his mother and heads for the back. To his absolute shock, the long haired man is already with the cows, checking the tags in their ears to ensure their intactness.   
  
"Hey!" Willie calls as Alex gets closer. He grips the bars of the fence with ease and flings himself over them like he's done it a million times before. There's a practice in his grace that makes Alex wonder if there's more to him than meets the eye.   
  
"What are you doing back here?" Alex asks, his tone accusatory.   
  
"Sorry, that guy let me in," Willie points into the herd of cows at Ed. "Asked if I was the new guy and when I said yes, he put a bucket of chicken feed in my arms and told me to get started." He smiles that dumb, huge smile that Alex despises.   
  
"You always this happy in the morning?" Alex moves passed him, jetting forward to the barn. Part of him hopes that Willie doesn't follow, but part of him hopes he does. He does.  
  
"No, not usually. I was so nervous, I woke up like, two hours before I was supposed to be here." Entering the barn, Alex grabs a basket for chicken eggs and makes a bee-line for the coop, Willie following him every step of the way. "I've just been kinda... Hanging out since then- Uh, do you want me to help you with that?"  
  
Alex moves into the coop, only big enough for one of them. That doesn't stop Willie from stepping in behind him to see what he's doing. Moving further toward the back of the small house, Alex puts each egg carefully into his basket, making sure they're not cracked and that the chickens themselves aren't hurt or showing any signs of illness. When he gets to the end, he turns around, running into his shadow he hadn't realized had come as far into the building as he had. "Jesus," Alex scoffs, looking down at the eggs to ensure none of them broke in the collision. "Be careful, dude."  
  
"Sorry," Willie says, attempting to move around him. The close quarters only serve to highlight just how stuck they are without being able to navigate around each other. they bump into one another more than once as Willie tries to backpedal out and Alex tries to move forward so that he doesn't smell like chicken the entire day. Once back in fresh air, Alex moves silently through the cool morning back to the barn. Willie doesn't follow him this time.  
  
Alex doesn't actually see Willie again until a few hours later, when the sun is high in the air and the work is almost over. He catches a glimpse of him out in the pasture, where Ed is teaching him how to guide the cows to the water trough. It's not necessary, as cows can find water on their own, but every once in a while you'll get a shy bessie who doesn't want to follow the others, so the tactic isn't lost on him. Approaching him, Alex pretends he hadn't just been staring. "Gwen's getting ready to give birth," Ed says, pointing out into the field. "You'll need to be here with her when it happens." Alex nods. They don't usually need supervision, but since his dad can't do it, he knows he'll have to. "Probably another day or two, I'll check her again tomorrow morning."   
  
With the chores done and the work all but completed with a cherry on top, Alex walks Willie back to the front of his home. "Can I ask you something?" He asks.   
  
"Huh? Oh, uh- Sure."  
  
"Why don't you like me?"   
  
He's caught off guard. Can he tell? Does Willie have the extrasensory perception to tell? "What? Why would you think that?"  
  
"Because I heard you tell your friends you didn't like me." Oof. Busted.   
  
"No, I, uh- I don't not not like you, y'know? I just- I don't..." This is taking too long and he knows it. Alex fumbles with his words, trying to figure out how to say; _I don't not like you but I_ _kind of also wish you would kiss me,_ without saying that because dear lord, there'd be no coming back from saying all that. Midway through his breakdown, Willie puts on his helmet.   
  
"It's cool, dude. We don't have to be friends... I was thinking about taking up Reggie's offer to hang, is all. If you don't want me too, I don't have to."  
  
"No!" Alex blurts out, perhaps a little too plainly. "No, no. Of course you can hang out with us. I'm sorry I made it seem like I didn't want you to, I do."  
  
Again, the perfect smile. "Sweet," he snaps the chin strap shut. "See you later, blondie."  
  
Another shower later, Alex finds himself hanging out at Reggie's place. He hasn't brought up Willie once. "Holy crap!" Luke comes bursting in through the front door holding a flyer. "Guys, Lubbock battle of the bands this Saturday. We have to get in on this!"   
  
"Heck yeah we do!" Reggie smiles.   
  
Alex is on his feet with them a second later. "We should ask our parents first!" He adds.   
  
Luke and Reggie look at each other, considering this for a second. "Alright, we ask and make sure we can stay out, and _then_ we have to do this!"   
  
"Heck yeah we do!" Reggie chimes again.   
  
Somewhere between the hype of setting up for the battle of the bands and the knowledge that he has to be up early again to work, Alex finds the perfect opportunity to hang out with Willie. The next morning, the second he sees the other man in the pasture, he moves toward him with intent. "Hey," he says, as nonchalantly as possible. It's very chalant.   
  
"Hey!" Willie smiles, brow already wet with the Texas humidity. "What's up?"  
  
"You said you wanted to hang with us, right? Well, we're doing this battle of the bands thing on Saturday, and I think it'd be cool if you came." _Please come_ , Alex chants in his mind, _please_.   
  
"Oh, sweet. I didn't know you guys were in a band!" Willie's expression is one of genuine shock, but also approval? Alex thinks he sees the look of approval on him. "Sounds badass. And you'll be performing?"   
  
"Yeah, I play drums in our band."   
  
Willie nods. "Sweet. It's a date." He picks up a bale of hey and starts walking it toward the barn. "Meet me after work and give me the details?"  
  
"Sure!" Alex calls after him, cheeks red and teeth bared and, wait- "Wait, it's a what?"


	4. Heather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battle of the bands.

"And then he said: _it's a date!_ , which is such a weird thing to say, I think." Alex twirls his drumsticks while Reggie and Luke lug more of their equipment into the seedy dive bar they Battle of the Bands is taking place in. Trevor rolls in a moment later, running a hand through his long black hair.   
  
"I thought you were done complaining about Willie?" Luke grunts, placing an amp on the ground.   
  
Reggie follows up behind him, placing his bass into the stand near the drum set. "No, he's right, it is a weird thing to say." Luke give him a look. "I'm sorry! Why in the world would you say: _it's a date!_ , if you're not interested in dating him? Right? I mean, I don't say: _it's a date!_ , every time we hang out. Trevor? Back me up here, dude."  
  
Trevor scrunches his face. "No way, dude. I'm with Luke on this very strange, very random conversation I suddenly regret walking into." Alex and Reggie's jaws drop in unison, almost pleading with Trevor to change his mind. "It's just a thing people say. Do you want to date him?" Alex doesn't have time to respond before Trevor throws his hands up and lifts his shoulders in a very deep shrug. "There you go. It doesn't mean anything, it's just a: _yeah, we made plans and I'll keep them_ , sort of thing."  
  
"Whatever. Help me bring in the other amp," Reggie scoffs moving back out the main door back to Luke's Dad's truck he so graciously lent them to transport their things for the night.   
  
Luke plucks at his guitar to ensure it's continued attunement while subtly, carefully moving to Alex's side. Alex, lost deep in thought, stares aimlessly at the space in front of them. He imagines the moment he and Willie made plans, picking apart every possible meaning of the words: it's a date. Did he mean it in a **date** way? Did he mean it in a: _let's hang out_ , way. Or, just like Trevor had said, was it nothing? Is he thinking too hard about it? Obviously, and that's never more evident until Luke has to snap his fingers in front of the blond's face to get his attention. "Earth to Alex! Where did you go, dude?" Alex stammers something incomprehensible, hoping to save himself from the embarrassment of telling Luke what he'd been daydreaming about. "I just-" Luke starts, his eyes narrowing at the other. "I want you to know that it'd be ok... If you wanted it to be a date date- With Willie, y'know? It wouldn't change anyth-"  
  
"I don't," Alex bites. His face is hot and he feels like he's sweating instantaneously. The air in the room is suddenly a million degrees and it burns his lungs to take a breath. "I don't want to date him, alright? I'm a a guy and he's a guy and I'm not GAY, alright? It's just weird, it's a weird thing to say." Luke pulls back, the sudden heat surrounding Alex burning his skin. "And I don't appreciate you making guesses at what it is that I want with Willie. I don't like him, I'll probably never like him, and you guys asking me about being his friend all the time is really starting to annoy me!" His insides feel like a car crash, all smoke and twisted metal. The regret he feels is instantaneous and he wishes a thousand times over that he could take it back. He stands, unable to look at Luke anymore without his eyes overflowing with tears and nose lose it's snot as he cries. Standing in the other's presence for another second, Alex darts out the other side of the stage, jumping from the wooden platform and nearly running out the door.   
  
The sky itself could fall on Alex's head, and he doesn't know if he'd know the difference or not. Does Luke know? Did he figure it out somehow. Alex can feels his brain igniting at every possible theory, burning his thought processes to the ground and forcing him to come face to face with the pile of ashes he calls a life. He doesn't want to think about Luke's words, about what they mean or how he came to the conclusion. He doesn't want to think about how far Luke had to go, or not go, to pull this conclusion out of the air. He's made it too obvious, Alex is convinced. He shouldn't have talked about Willie so much, shouldn't have said anything about his discomfort or his feelings or anything. Alex swallows hard but his mouth is so dry it's like eating salt. Pressing his head against the soft wood of the outside of the building, he tries to catch his breath when the sound of shoes hitting the pavement makes him aware that someone else is there.   
  
"Alex?" He looks up, unprepared to see Willie's face. "Are you ok?"  
  
"Get away from me," Alex feels his body starting to heave, to give up the contents of his stomach. He turns away from the other and falls to the ground, vomiting his entire past, present, and future into the grass. Willie is on top of him immediately, rubbing his back, trying to comfort him. "I said get away!" Alex screams, unable to stop the tears from falling from his eyes.   
  
Reggie steps out of the side door, looking around for Alex when he spots him and Willie. "Holy shit, Alex!" He calls, running to them. Alex tries to stand and fails, slamming his body into the wall. "Willie, get the others?" The long haired man nods, standing from his kneeled position and runs inside. "Hey, man, it's ok. It's going to be ok. Tell me what's wrong." Alex can't stop crying, can't stop the pain and hate he feels at the bottom of his stomach that eats him up inside. Alex can't stop hearing Luke in his head:   
  
**GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY.  
  
**He gasps for air, desperately trying to get his body to cooperate. Luke and Trevor appear moments later, led by Willie.   
  
"Your friend had what's called a panic attack," the paramedic tells them later, as the crowd outside the bar begins to grow. "He'll be fine, probably just overwhelmed with stage fright. Have him drink some water, relax for a minute. He'll be good as new." She packs her bag, walking with her partner back to the ambulance parked only a few meters away. Alex sits with his back against the bar, watching his friends come and go around him.   
  
Reggie, who had been pacing in front of Alex a few seconds before, makes his stand in front of Alex, looking down at him. "Dude, what are you freaking out about? We've played in front of more people than thi-"  
  
"Leave it," Luke interjects. "Can you play?" He offers his hand to Alex, palm open for him to take. There's only a second of consideration before he uses the other man to pull himself up. "That's all we need, then." He smiles, nodding gently.   
  
They start to move inside. At the end of the line, Alex stops Willie. "I'm-" he starts, "I'm sorry."  
  
Willie smiles, "It's no problem, dude. I'm sorry you're so nervous."  
  
Alex shakes his head, trying to make it make sense to him. "No, not about that. About me telling you to leave." Willie makes a face. "I shouldn't have yelled at you, I was just- I'm so-"  
  
Willie presses his palm into the other's bicep, gripping it softly. "You don't have to explain, Alex. I don't know what I did to make you not like me, but I don't intend on continuing it. I know you invited me as an olive branch. I get it, I don't want there to be tension either. If it means that much to you, I won't try and hang out with you guys anymore. From here on out, we're just co-workers." The smile fades into something with more disappointment before Alex can stop him from going inside.   
  
_" Coming to the stage first, Sunset Curve!" _  
  
The crowd starts to cheer, forcing Alex to take his place among his friends. They smile at him, not completely accepting of his return but not willing to question it either. They're happy just to get to play, he's sure. He counts them in, drumsticks beating a _1, 2, 3, 4!  
  
_ The sound is deafening, especially sitting so close to an amp, but this is what Alex and the others live for. The sound, the pulse, the vibrations, it makes them all feel so connected and alive all at once. Alex beats at the drums like his life depends on it, smashing out the beat for Alex and Reggie and Trevor to stomp to. The crowd loves it, jumping up and down in time with them. Alex scans the faces in the crowd, hoping to see Willie, but Luke stands in front of him strumming his guitar during the instrumental break.   
  
"Luke!" Alex mouths.  
  
"What?" Luke asks, unable to hear him.   
  
"You were right!"   
  
"I can't hear you!"  
  
"You were right about me!"  
  
"Tell me after, dude!"   
  
"You were right about me! I do like Willie!"   
  
"Alright, let's go!" Luke pulls at the strings and starts the beginning of the final chorus, singing the song he'd written with the others. Singing _their_ song.   
  
On the drive back home, Luke doesn't ask about what Alex was trying to say.   
  
Alex is thankful.   
  



	5. Wonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First kiss.

It turns out, Ed's approximation of how long Debra would be pregnant was vastly, vastly underestimated. August came and went without so much as a peep from the heifer, and the leaves on the trees begin falling long before the end of October. In the first week of November, when the winds have come and the temperature dropping for the first time in the oppressive Texas heat, Debra's calf starts it's evacuation. "You'll have to stay out in the pasture overnight," Ed says, walking with Alex toward the cow's enclosure. "Just to make sure the little thing is out and about without trouble." Alex has seen cows being born before, of course. The good thing about living on a farm is that life and death become a lot less obscure very early on. "I've asked Willie to stay, too. He'll be here Friday night."  
  
What is still obscure to Alex is the idea of being friends with Willie from a distance. After the night at the Battle of the Bands, Willie has made himself scarce in every sense of the word. The group hardly sees him walking around school, and he shows up to the one class they share minutes before the bell and makes sure to bolt at the first opportunity. Alex isn't sure if it's because of him, because of what he said or did, but he carries the guilt like Willie personally told him he killed his dog.   
  
It's a strange thing, guilt. Alex feels guilt for a lot of things. Things he's done, things he hasn't done, things he might do. He feels guilt for his father, who has regained the ability to talk but not in complete sentences. He feels guilt for his mother, who works overtime to make sure the small business they've managed to cobble together doesn't go under. He feels guilt for Willie, for Luke, Reggie, and Trevor. He wonders if other feel guilt for him the same way? Do his friends look at him and feel guilt for the weight he's carrying, or do they overlook his struggle? Not that he's made it easy for them. He's concealed it, made it look easy, made it seem like he's not struggling at all.   
  
That's the thing about drowning. If you don't struggle to stay afloat, you just go under.   
  
Walking from one class to another, Luke stops Alex in the hallway. "Can I talk to you?" Immediate heart attack. Alex doesn't know what to say other than to nod. Luke pulls him to one side, settling up against some lockers. "I wanted to give you some time to chill out before I asked." _Oh, god_. Alex thinks, _this is it_. "I'm thinking of asking Julie to the Winter Formal. Do you think you could help me out?" The elephant that had settled in Alex's chest for those very brief seconds stands, sauntering off down the hall with earthshaking footsteps.   
  
"Y-yeah, of course. I'd love to." He smiles. The edges of Luke's mouth rise in response, teeth white and perfect. Has Alex spent some shower time with Luke? That's another question for another time.   
  
"Just wait until you hear what I have planned, man. It's gonna be so awesome." Returning to the path toward class, Luke grips the straps of his backpack. "Have you thought about who you're gonna invite? We should see if we can get the gig there, be the live band." Lost in thought, Luke starts to figure out the chain of command it would take to get the job. He doesn't notice when Alex spots Willie at the end of the hall, walking with a brand new board in hand. He must have finally saved enough from the work over the weekends to afford it. Alex feels another ping of guilt. Willie was so excited in the interview to get on that was wholly his. He wishes he could have been the one that Willie told about it. He waves, hand coming up just enough to move the air. Willie's eyes turn from straight forward, and he waves back. Ok, not totally fucked. Good. "-then we'll tell Principal Garcia, and that should be it. That's a good plan, yeah?"   
  
Alex's attention slingshots back to Luke, and he nods despite hearing no part of the plan whatsoever. Luke's expression drops, lips pursing in confusion. Looking around at the nearly empty hallway, he pulls Alex back into a meeting space of huddled lockers. "I think you should ask Willie." _Slight protest_. "I don't know what's happened between you two, but he was seriously trying to get in our crew before the Battle of the Bands, and now he's bounced. If nothing else, just go as bros. Tell him you're not mad." Luke presses a hand into Alex's shoulder. "And- I know you said it was nothing, but... If you wanted to go with him as more than friends, I want you to know, it doesn't change anything. You're my best friend, and no girlfriends or-" he scans the hall to make sure no one lingers around them. "Possible, maybe boyfriends is going to stop that."  
  
Fully prepared to defend himself once more, Alex is shocked when Luke pulls him in for a hug. The boys aren't usually physically affectionate, as most teenage boys aren't, but that doesn't stop the craving to feel comforted by others. He allows himself to give into the other's embrace, arms pressing into the small of Luke's back and his head draping over his shoulder. Their touch is only impeded by the bell ringing. Releasing each other, Luke offers his friend a wink before jetting down the hall to get to class.   
  
Alex is frantic on the bike ride home that Friday, pumping his legs as hard as he can, feeling the burn in his muscles. He flies down the road to his farm, a smile on his face the entire way. An epiphany is defined as a striking and sudden realization. In this case, Alex has suddenly realized that perhaps giving into the feeling of another's embrace is not so much something to be afraid of, but to be enjoyed. Luke felt like him, Reggie and Trevor, were they to hug more, would probably feel like home, too. His father feels like safety. With this newfound confidence, he's determined to find out what Willie feels like.   
  
Willie's arrival signals the beginning of his plan. He goes about his Friday afternoon chores, but the guest room has been made up so that Willie can spend the night after the calf has been born. Ed doesn't expect the calf to be out until well after midnight. Satisfied with the way things will work out, Alex is absolutely throttled when he hears Willie shout, "she's coming!"   
  
**Panic.**  
  
Alex runs to the field, eyes immediately finding the cow in question and the calf already halfway hanging out her backside. Ed is with her, helping to coax the small animal out. When it starts to come of it's own volition, Ed has the boys back away so the mother can tend to it. Slapping the floor in a pool of fluids, the small thing bleats, it's first breaths a success. Debra turns to begin licking it, cleaning it of act. "Well, your dad is better than tellin' when these things are gonna happen." Ed slaps his hat against his thigh. "Damn, I owe him ten dollars..." Alex looks up at Willie in a surge of worry, but Willie's eyes are locked on the calf trying to stand for the first time. "Good news is, you don't have to stay the night out here, Alex."  
  
**PANIC HARDER.**   
  
Fully at his wits end, Alex is about to say something when he hears his mother calling from the backyard. "Dinner!"   
  
"Well, you both have to stay for dinner, at least! We have to celebrate." Eyes darting between Willie and Ed, Alex offers both of them a sly smile while running a hand through his hair, trying desperately not to seem like he's _acting_ desperately.   
  
To say that Alex sees his mother like he would an angel is an understatement. With little to no preparation, she's set two extra places and redistributed her world famous fried chicken with mashed potatoes so that Willie and Ed can eat, too. She has taken the biggest cut of their meals from Alex, a fact he's sure she will remind him of later.   
  
Ed and Alex's Dad talk the most. Well, Ed talks the most and his father is getting his work-out in trying to match him. It's strange seeing the men this way, at least to Alex. Ed and Kevin, Alex's father, are usually silent when they work together out in the pasture. Then again, Alex has never really spent enough time with them to know what they're like together, just the two of them. His thoughts are cut short when Willie places a napkin over his food. "Thank you so much, ma'am. It was really good." The sound the chair makes as Willie pushes it out is almost deafening. "I should be getting home."  
  
"I-It's already dark outside," Alex blurts out. "You should just stay the night. It's dangerous to go skating out in the dark." Not a total lie, but given enough time, Alex is sure he could think of a much better reason for Willie to stay.   
  
Willie opens his mouth to start saying something, when Alex's mother, Nancy, cuts him off. "The guest room is all made up for you, Willie. If you want to stay, the option is there. We'd be so sweet to have you, maybe fatten you up some with a nice big breakfast."  
  
"I don't want to be a bother-"  
  
"No bother at all, son." Nancy smiles, holding a hand up to him. "You've been so good to us here lately, with Kevin in his state and all. The least we can do is give you a nice bit of rest, huh?"  
  
Willie considers this for a second before nodding. "Alright, thank you so much." Reaching down for his bag, he thumbs down the hallway. "Which way is the shower?"  
  
"Alex will show you," Nancy says, smiling. She picks up her son's plate before he has a chance to protest. Alex tilts his head down the hall, making his way with Willie in tow.   
  
The trek isn't long but boy, it's quiet enough to hear the pin drop. Alex's room and the guest bedroom are at the opposite end of the house from his parents. Both smaller rooms share a bathroom, the space between the rooms connected. Alex turns the light on to Willie's temporary room and allows the other inside, waving a hand to guide him. "Here you go."  
  
"Thanks," Willie smirks, sliding inside. "You didn't have to, y'know. I would have been fine skating home."  
  
"I would've asked you to stay anyway." Alex wrings his hands, lip threading between his lips. "Listen, Willie... I'm really sorry about what happened at the Battle of the Bands. You left before I could say: I don't hate you, and I'm not mad at you. I was.... I was angry, but not at you. I pointed those feelings at you because I didn't know where else to put them, and that's unfair." He offers his hand to the long-haired man, gaze finally meeting his. "So, this is an official truce. Hang with us... I- I want you around."   
  
Willie examines the hand for a second before taking it, his smile nearly blinding to Alex. "Yeah, man, no worries."  
  
It's as simple as that. Alex releases Willie's hand after a moment of lingering, letting his own to fall to the side. Willie immediately strips his shirt off, moving toward the door. "This is the bathroom, right?" Alex confirms, looking away. After a second, Willie steps out in his underwear. "Can you, uh- show me how it works?" He's blushing. Alex goes into the bathroom and sees Willie's pants on the ground, trying his best to push the thoughts out of his head. He turns a few knobs and cuts the water on, the steam already rising. "Thanks a bunch."  
  
"I'll be over here, if you need anything," Alex says, pointing to the door at the other side of the bathroom. He moves toward the door, catching a glimpse of Willie pulling down his underwear as he closes the door.   
  
Sharing a bathroom with someone comes with a certain set of privileges. One of those privileges being information. Alex, for example, has learned that Willie showers for far longer than he ever anticipated. It leads Alex to wonder what he's doing. Maybe it's to wash his hair? There is a lot of it... Alex is halfway to the realization that the only thing that makes him spend that much time in the shower is when he's-  
  
The water cuts off and the sound of the curtain being pulled back can be heard even from Alex's side. He sits up on his elbows, body sinking into his bed, and tries to look like he's been like that the entire time, just in case Willie comes out wondering why he's paying special attention to the bathroom. His light flickers a bit when a blow dryer comes on, and Alex finds himself stifling a laugh. Of course Willie blow dries his hair. Of course he does.   
  
The sound of it turning off and the door to his room opening happen almost simultaneously. Willie, dressed only in his boxers, stands with his hands over his head, tying his hair back. "Hey, didn't know if you were sleeping yet. Wanna hang?"  
  
Alex nods wordlessly, standing from his bed and trotting through the bathroom to Willie's. Willie crawls into the bed and pats the space next to him, waiting for Alex to jump in.   
  
_Ok, Alex, just relax_ , he tells himself. _Just two guys who are bros hanging out_. "Actually," Willie stops him. "Will you turn the light off first?"  
  
 _ **OK, ALEX, RELAX. JUST TWO GUYS WHO ARE BROS WHO ARE DEFINITELY NOT INTO EACH OTHER SITTING UNDER THE COVERS IN THE DARK. NOTHING WEIRD.  
  
**_ He trots over to the light as he's asked, cutting them off before returning and crawling into bed. They sit, not saying anything. Alex's fingers burn with want, an angry consumption digging it's teeth into his warm skin, begging him to reach out and touch Willie. Just a touch is all he needs, one he feels him, feels his warmth and learns what he feels like, he'll be sated.   
  
"So," Willie whispers. "What was the Battle thing all about?"  
  
Alex breathes in. "I just- Uh... I had a lot on my mind."  
  
"Me?"  
  
He stops breathing. "I mean, y-yeah. Like I told you earlier, I pointed some pretty negative emotions at you."  
  
"If I'm being honest with you, Alex... I think about you a lot."  
  
Hold on. Take a beat. Ok. "Y-You do?"  
  
"Did you ask me to spend the night because you wanted to make amends, or because... Of something else?"  
  
"I-" _Fuck_. Alex wets his lips, trying his hardest to get something out.   
  
"Can you-" Willie says into the void of darkness. "Can you just tell me. If it was just to be nice or for this stupid truce, I want to know-"  
  
"No!" Alex sits up, turning to look at Willie, which is nearly impossible save for the small bit of moonlight coming through the window. "No- I mean, no. I wanted you to stay because I wanted you to be safe, I care about you."  
  
"I care about you, too," Willie sits up with his, his face a bit clearer. If Alex were more confident, he'd swear Willie looks scared.   
  
"You do?"  
  
"Yeah. On the first day when you got up in front of everyone, I-" Willie trails off.   
  
"Me, too. With you."   
  
"You did?" Willie asks.  
  
"Yeah. I mean, I think? I'm not totally sure if we're talking about the same thing."  
  
Suddenly, Alex feels a hand on his chest. Willie's hand. "I'm saying, I like you."  
  
"Can I-" Breathe in, hold it. "Can I kiss you?" Alex has never felt more fear or passion in his entire life than when the words leave his mouth.  
  
Their lips find each other in the dark. Soft, tender presses of skin on skin. They laughs when their teeth knock together, and Willie has to show Alex how to use his tongue when they open their mouths for each other but GOD is he good at it. They tangle themselves into each other, becoming a knot of gentle caresses and warm kisses. The relief shared between them, the dropping of a guise to show someone else who they really are is liberating, intoxicating. They don't notice they'd fallen asleep until Alex wakes to the sound of the rooster cooing.   
  
He squeezes Willie a little harder and decides he feels like comfort.   



	6. The Writer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End.

At age 5, Willie came home from his first day of First Grade with a very big and very important announcement. His mother, Angeline, was ecstatic to learn that he and his friend Henry had decided on becoming husbands, and that they were expecting a child. The child, of course, a doll given to them as a gift by his other friend Ashley. His father, Nathan, felt differently about it.   
  
"They're just kids," Angeline assured him. "They don't know what they're talking about."  
  
And for the most part, she was right. The husband talk came and went within a few days and he had moved on to playing house with Ashley and Jennifer and Erica, any number of the girls at the Elementary School on the base in Germany. The military, strict and unforgiving, did have these small spaces for softness. Small divots in the surface for kindness and carelessness. In the arms of Willie's mother, on the playground with his hand in that of another boy's, sitting on the couch with his father at the end of a long day when he could barely keep his eyes open.   
  
It's in these spaces that Willie learns to exist and open himself up. A flower requires the right soil to bloom, and Willie is nothing if not a seed in the ground hidden under concrete.  
  
It's in California that Willie realizes just how much these spaces mean to him. At 14, he comes home to his mother with another big announcement. He'll be attending the Sophomore Formal with his friend Brian, whom he has had a crush on for quite some time. He does not mention his crush, of course, he's learned that much by now. Angeline is hesitant at first, but embraces Willie regardless, promising him that he doesn't need a date to the prom to have fun with his friends. She's assumed that they're going together because no girl will go with them, and Willie feels one of his spaces grow smaller. His father says nothing about it, only that the boys should not be going stag to anything so public.   
  
At the Sophomore Formal, Willie loses Brian in the crowd, only to find him later in the hands of Harriett Morgan.  
  
Willie cried the entire night after getting home. His mother, hearing his gasps at midnight, immediately came to his side to comfort him. While she didn't understand what the commotion was about, she could sense that it had something to do with Brian.   
  
"Willie," she whispered. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" There is a gentleness in her voice that brings him comfort. "Is this about Brian?" He can only nod in response. "You really liked him, didn't you?" Another sob. "Oh, baby. I'm so sorry." She takes his face, pressing her palms into his red and blushing cheeks still wet with tears. "There are going to be so many other men. You are going to love so many other men, and so many other men are going to be in love with you." They don't speak of it again, but they know. They don't acknowledge it again, but he knows. She knows. When he mentions making a new friend. When he talks about going to hang out with someone he really gets along with. They know, and together, that's enough.   
  
The sunlight filtering through the window in the Davis' guest room wakes Willie from his sleep. His eyes open slowly, a warmth spreading across his body as he becomes more aware of his position. He lifts his face, his skin coming unstuck from Alex's chest where he'd fallen asleep. He looks at the other man, taking in every part of him, of his features, his skin. He breathes a sigh of relief, realizing through his haze that the night before had not, in fact, been a dream. Lifting himself further, Alex begins to stir, eyes fluttering open and landing on Willie's.   
  
"Oh, I-" He starts to struggle. "I'm sorry, I- I'm not..." Willie reaches down, pressing his palm into the back of Alex's hand. "Last night..." Alex starts. Willie nods. "And that's.... You're not mad?"  
  
Willie laughs audibly. "Why would I be mad?"  
  
"I don't know!" Alex laughs back. "I just figured that.... Maybe you'd think it was a mistake?"  
  
Willie's eyes widen, but he nods in understanding a moment later. "It wasn't. A mistake, I mean. Not to me... And hopefully, not to you?"  
  
"No way," Alex smiles. "I've been wanting to do that with you since we met."  
  
A smirk. "Then why didn't you, dummy?" Willie teases.   
  
"I wasn't sure you liked me! I was so mean to you. I just didn't want anyone to know that I.... And I didn't understand it myself. I just couldn't stop thinking about you, it drove me crazy!"   
  
Somewhere through the confession, Willie has covered his mouth to stifle his laughter. He can't help it, and after a little while, his laughter fills up the room. Alex holds his hand over the other's mouth, a desperate attempt to prevent him from alerting his parents to their presence together. "Why are you laughing?!"  
  
"You couldn't stop thinking about me, huh?"   
  
Softness fills the room as Alex leans over, pressing a kiss to the other's lips. He and Willie sit together on the bed, in their underwear, with the wind blowing outside and the temperature dropping. They sit together until they are forced to rise and even then, they steal glances and ghosting touches any chance they get. They have a future, they have a present. They are together until they are separated, and then they come back together again.   
  
  
  
"I haven't stopped since."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who supported this work despite my long hiatus between Chapter Five and Chapter Six. I hope you guys enjoyed the narrative and this as an ending, and I hope you'll continue supporting my works as I move on to other stories. 
> 
> See you on the other side. <3


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